OOTD: Confidence

Hey ya’ll,

Today I’m switching it up.

After recently retweeting a thread that really struck a chord with me, I’ve been dwelling on whether to write more posts on subjects that affect me.

screen-shot-2017-02-21-at-21-39-42I was so scared of sharing this thread (pictured above) on my twitter timeline. In fact, I toyed back and forth about whether I should retweet for my followers to see. I didn’t want any of my followers who I actively interact with to feel uncomfortable, but at the same time I just couldn’t stay silent. Twitter is my platform to share whatever I like, and although, I didn’t like this post, I could relate with subject matter.

Most of my posts are about what I do on the weekend, the places I travel and what-not which is great because I genuinely enjoy sharing those aspects of my life, but most of the time my head is swirling with a gazillion things that affect me on a daily basis, and one of those ‘things’ is how I choose wear my confidence as a black woman.

And I use the word ‘choose’ because every way in which I am confident is not always accepted in the society I live in.

Being a black woman living in London is something that I treasure and love about myself. In my home, in front of my friends and family I am Rianne without any limitations, however, in society being black acts as anchor that doesn’t allow me to fully be myself without stereotypes and tags being attached to me and everything I do.

Angry, loud, passive aggressive, ratchet instead of their positive alternatives like passionate, confident, intelligent and honest are labels that get thrown around at black women on a daily basis. A few of these words have even been hurled at me and used to put me down which  of course, over the years have had a detrimental affect on my confidence and means I have to always be socially and consciously aware in situations I’m in.

So, here’s a few ways I choose to wear my confidence, when the world tells me I can’t…

Posture
It’s proven that posture has a direct reflection of how you feel and are perceived. Standing with a straight back and head held high makes all the difference to how I feel. For me it’s totally natural for me to recoil into my posture if I’m not feeling great, or if there’s something society deems as not being something I should be proud or confident about. Whenever I catch myself doing this, I remember to readjust my position to show –  I have a purpose and I am meant to be here.

Hair
If you didn’t know I have dreadlocks, take a look at my posts about it here & here. Although this hair journey is becoming a lot more mainstream as a natural, protective hairstyle for black women, it’s not always understood and still very much not an ‘approved’ hairstyle in many workplaces, but I love how I wear my hair as a way to display my heritage and culture. My hair is very versatile, sometimes, I have it in styles, sometimes I have it out, but I love that it can be a conversation starter, where I can educate anyone who wants to know more.

Attitude
Stereotypically black women can be seen as intimidating and unapproachable. Confidence isn’t just about the exterior and how you appear to seem, but it starts from within. At first glance people may have a pre conceived idea about me I’ve been told I have RBF (resting bitch face), but I actively agree in quote: If you have good thoughts (and a positive attitude) they will shine out of your face…

Inner Thoughts
Occasionally, I recite quotes in my head that reaffirm and boost positivity.

Public Speaking
When I refer to this point I don’t necessarily mean in front of a big crowd. Speaking up in certain situations takes courage and therefore confidence, and the older I get I find myself doing this more and more. There are many examples where I feel I have to do this to set the record straight or give the black perspective and to even break stereotypes by someone who is reinforcing them. (the thing about stereotypes is that  they’re not necessarily untrue, but they don’t tell the full story).

One instance where I had to speak out was when someone voiced that they think Blue Ivy is an ugly baby, that she looks nothing like Beyonce and that North West is much prettier. This may seem like a minor issue but to say a child is ugly is quite pathetic tbh, but then again everyone is entitled to their opinion, however, I had to question why they thought this.

When quizzed they simply said her hair wasn’t nice because it was too ‘frizzy’ and because her features resembled Jay Z. This is true but I had to highlight the fact those qualities are qualities of her blackness and for that to be used against her is not cool.

Ultimately, it shows that from a young age, confidence is something that can be snatched away, but it is our job to reclaim it and make the ways in which we are confident a force to be reckoned with.

The subject of confidence is so much bigger than this one blog post, and there are many other ways in which confidence can be radiated.  Although I am talking about my experience as a black woman, I want to know how you wear your confidence, no matter where you’re from or your background?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 ways to treat yourself when trying to save

This month I have been a bit more spendy than usual, but sometimes in life it’s necessary (although, not that necessary) to have those ‘f*ck it’ slash ‘yolo’ moments.

But like so many people my age, setting long term goals along with trying to get life in order and simply turning my hand at adulating, certain things more-rightly take precedent over buying the latest pair of heels, cult beauty buys and even the occasional date night – no matter how ‘cheap’ it is.

And while I use my blog as an outlet to share places I love visit in and around London, eateries, clubs and pubs I’ve discovered as well the occasional new makeup find, the reality is, I just can’t spend a frivolously as I used to, especially if I’d like to own my house in the near future.

However, every now and then a little treat can’t hurt, and here’s how I like to give myself a lil’ pick me up…

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  1. Call me a Starbucks w*nker but I love me some coffee on the go. Chai Latte, Vanilla Latte, Flat White… don’t get me started – anything but Cafe Nero 😷 and I’m good. I don’t know what it is about a hot coffee in a paper cup to go, but it makes me feel sassy. And if it can pick me up at only £3 a pop – why the hell not. £3 here and there can add up though, so drink aware lol!
  2. Candles are a beautiful thing, and I haven’t bought one in ages, but I am a sucker for a lovely smelling Yankee Candle. Plus, Now that it’s winter and I’ve been reading loads of favourite posts which include a homely scented candles, I’ve reverted back to my faves; Baby Powder and Snowflake  Cookie. The Yankee Candle Jars are quite pricey at £18 but they do last forever. Think of it as a short term investment 😉
  3. Curled up with a chunky magazine in one hand and a warm cup of tea in the other is how I would love to spend any evening of the week, especially, now that it’s getting colder. I have to admit, I’m not one to often buy a magazine, but I do have my faves like Porter and Glamour. They are great inexpensive treats that I often only buy when there’s a freebie, meaning I get two treats for the price of one!
  4. Treating myself at times can be as simple as buying a chocolate🍫😋. Although, it’s very counter productive when I’m trying to lose weight. Nonetheless, I’m sure I’m not the only one who switches up there favourite chocolate snack. At the moment I’m feeling Lindt. What tickles your fancy?
  5. Getting nails done really should be considered as standard self-care 😂. I often go for shellac (£20) which lasts me about a month. It’s affordable and gives me that feel good factor without breaking the bank. Am I the only one who feels like they have their sh*t together when they come out of the salon 💅

Treating yourself doesn’t always have to break the bank, it could be as simple as buying a bouquet of flowers, or a new app, if that’s up your street.

How do you treat yourself?